Over the last few years, I’ve become increasingly ‘meh’ over award shows for a number of reasons I’d like to share. Lucky you.
TOO MANY! There are now officially too many award shows. I have a hard time getting excited about some of them. It makes me think of bowl games. Yay, you won a “Purina Dog Chow Barky Award”. It’s like winning the “Sandwich Bowl”. I don’t care.
RED CARPETS: It’s nearly impossible to schedule a lunch date with any actor from September on. It seems like everyone is manically preoccupied with fitting into their tiny dresses on the red carpet. If you’ve ever seen the red carpet processional in person, they are insane. First off, open back dresses with ribs sticking out is not pretty. The camera does add pounds and to compensate, the pressure is on for these women to be stick thin. Lollypops in high-heels.
Worse! Handlers herd permanently smiling people from one station to the next, where photogs shout to get their attention. For the writers and folks that no one really knows, the handlers hold up a sign so the photogs know who they are shouting at. It’s noisy and about as glamorous as waiting in the rain all day for a five second shot.
I have to admit, I don’t care what you’re wearing, just please wear underwear and make sure it covers all your parts. Red Carpets give rise to THE FASHION POLICE. My next gripe.
THE FASHION POLICE: Too fat, too thin, bad dress, bad shoes. Ugh. Honestly, I look at a dress and generally have no strong opinion, unless it’s something insane like Bjork’s Swan or J-Lo’s flimsy nip-slip capable dressing gown. When these armchair fashion quarterbacks get vicious, or over-the-moon, over some dress, I’m generally just scratching my head. I don’t get it. I don’t see it. I don’t care. These people are far too bitchy… leading us to…
AWARD SHOWS ARE NOT ROASTS: Sorry Ricky and just about everyone else who hosts these things, I don’t like all the nasty. It should be required watching to check out old Bob Hope clips at the Academy Awards. They were funny and the only people who got burned were either vague “Hollywood Types” or Hope himself. Award shows are supposed to be celebrations and recognition of a lot of hard work. The point is to acknowledge talent of all types and cherish their contribution to the world stage. People work their entire careers and when they finally get to the be in that room as a nominee, who wants to hear some host slamming everyone to the mat? Award Shows should have some respect for the nominees and the work that got them there.
As a member of the PGA, I vote for the PGA awards. I take it seriously; I watch the films, I consider the options because I know how I would feel if I were nominated. I would want people to take it seriously too. It would be a great honor and achievement and I wouldn’t want everyone cluttering it up with a load of bad behavior. When did these things get so, ‘meh’?